Fork in the Road

Love, hurts

So Colin and I have been seeing each other for 3 months. It's been joyful and intense, and I'm so glad to know him, but I experience fears I've just never felt before. It's hard for me to distinguish whether what I am feeling is sadness, loneliness, insecurity or just fear, but the some of the days when we're not together and we don't speak I just feel buckets of pain.

I am feeling that way tonight--it's been a really, really long and intense day at work and I am going to see Colin tomorrow, but I wish I could talk to him tonight--only after calling him last night and not getting him (or having him return the call), I don't feel comfortable calling again..and yet I wish we could speak.

What does this mean? I am in this state of sadness and longing that doesn't feel that good and that makes me feel uncomfortably needy. I also worry this man is out with soneone else and that I'd have no idea why...not that that matters.

Ugh,

Talking truth with Wask

When I saw Wash this weekend, we talked about the issue I needed to clear with him, but we didn't get everything talked out.  When I saw him last night, there were stil issues between us and it was tense.  Finally, we started to talk--and talked and talked.  We still didn't get everything resolved, but at least we were communicating.
During our chat, I worked on being clear what I felt and wanted, and made Wash own what he wanted.  Every time he said "Do you want me to ...?" I responded "What it is that you want? Tell me about that..."  because I think his issues are tied to the dicotomy between what he wants to do to please/placate other people and his need to own his own behavior and choices right out there in the open.
I think there are some issues Wash struggles with, that now I am experiencing and learning about, and the next few months will help me understand how insurmountable these issues really are,  for me.