Fork in the Road

History, poetry, architecture and the Kid

So the kid is in Europe and called to say how much he loves all the architecture and the history--given this person would not sight see as a child, this statement was pretty darn sweet.

Life's a bitch, aka my ex and the dog

I've been peeved because my ex, who promised to help share the bills for the family dog and cat I've ended up with, hasn't given me any money for the $1,300 or more in pet emergency room expenses I've had to cover over the past 6 months.

I was fretting about this tonight, when suddenly I stopped short and had one of those "A dooh!" moments--If this dude would divorce his wife of 25 years and rarely call her, why would he give a fuck about a dog?

Dog. Wife. Dog. Wife.  Anyone who can walk away from their wife, isn't gonna find it too hard to dump the dog--so I just need to not be countin' on any cash from that sorry fool--cause it is undoubtly not coming.

The kid was in

I saw the Kid today, after two and a half months of only talking on the phone.  We spent the day together, then he flew home to his new home and Mia, his girlfriend.

How was it? It was grand!  We went out and ate dim sum and talked, then shopped for an early birthday present (a suit) and talked, then went and took a walk with the dog and talked, then went back to my place and moved some furniture and talked, then hung out and talked and then took the dog out again and talked.  After a while, the X showed up to join us for dinner and the deep talking stopped, but the connection with the Kid was great--I just love him.

Of course, now that he's gone home, I am feeling sad. I love him so much and he is far away and working really hard and really busy and....We have to enjoy the moments we have, don't we--and today was one of them--a great day with the kid.

Life as I know it, aka the kid doesn't show

So I cried this morning. My son, the Kid, cancelled his trip home to see me.  His girlfriend, who has never lived alone, didn't want him to make the trip here and leave her, and after much discussion, he decided to postpone. Needless to say, this made me very sad--I really miss him and was looking forward to our time together, I also planned my Sunday and Monday around his visit--and then it didn't happen.

I realize that for me, the Kid is not only my son, but my family--the one person who remains out of my old home, my marriage.  I have siblings I am close to, but they live far away, and I think of the Kid as really the only family I have.  I felt so alone after I heard the news--alone in a way I didn't think anyone else could help, or change.  I was at Wash's house when I heard the news, and he was sympathetic when he saw me crying, but there really wasn'y anything else he could do.  I say R later the same day, and he was much more supportive, warmer and more comforting.

I don't know when the Kid will make it here--probably in a few weeks.  I just know I miss him alot. A lot. And I wish it was easier to see his face again.

The truck is totalled

8:10 am. The phone rings.It's the kid. "Hey, how are you?" I say.  "Not so good," he answers. Apparently, during the (very rainy) night, some kind of big car/truck/SUV whipped around the corner and smacked into the back of his truck, totalling the back end.

"I just can't believe someone hit me and took off," he says, explaining that the vehicle also hit the front of the car behind him. 

Drama, always drama. Drama follows the kid and now it follows me with my two boyfriends and my complicated life. Time to slow things down, just not totally sure how. Meanwhile, the kid's got a rental and the X and I are talking about what's next for the Kid's new ride.

Saw the kid

The Kid and I went out tonight--haven't seen him for two weeks. He's 2o now, a man, and he's getting serious with Flower, his girlfriend.  They're talking about moving to a college town together this fall, getting a place, and both working and attending schoool. I love him so much, the thought of him moving away--into that seperate life of his own I always imagined--really hurts me.  I love the fact it's so easy to see him, that he's close by---and yet I respect his desire to build a life of his own.

The Kid said one thing that really hit me, made me wonder how much damage we'd done him:
"I want to go to school, work, and graduate, get a good job and then buy a house. It's important to have good credit."

Buy a house? At what, 22?  The guy's from a different tribe than his mom...at that age, I was living in a loft in Manhattan and going to poetry readings, dreaming of Sylvia Plath and Dylan Thomas.

The Kid: An Update

So The Kid is having an interesting life: 

1. He's moved into a new place, with a new roomate--both the place and the roommate seem like a big improvement over the last time--hope this works out.
2. He got a sales job and then immediately discovered the hours were so inflexible they would not accomoodate his (minimal) school schedule; solution, quit after he gets his first commision check and look for something else.
3. His truck has been at the mechanic's for a month--next steps, take it to another spot that can fix the electrical problems for real.

It's been so great to have him close by;  we talk a few times a week and I see him 2-4times a month, typically...a real pleasure.

Update on the kid

He's the best ever.  Last week I helped pack his apartment up; the new place he found is cheaper and nice and the new room mate is hopefully MUCH neater--and saner.  I promised we'd join COSTCO together and load up on paper goods--Mr. Homebody loved that.  I'll go back this weekend and bring him some meat/flowers/good will--can't wait to see the place set up.

Oh, and The Kid is going to try selling cars!  His first day of work is tomorrow--this is going to be a priceless experience, I have no doubt.

The Kid found this blog

So The Kid found this blog.
And read most of it.
How'd he do it?
We're on vacation together, so he went into my newsreader, picked the rightt folder, and scanned
all the blogs...when he found this one, he knew it was the one.
So he started reading.
We went for a long walk and talked about it.
The Kid said: "It's funny to see that even though you are older, some of the things you've gone through are just the same as with my breakup with Old Girlfriend....I mean, you're my mom, but I know you're a person, too.  The other thing is that when you talk about what you feel, I feel it, but when I talk to Dad his point of view makes sense.
Mom: Kid, there is no objective reality, you know that...Dad's point of view is true for him...that's how it always is.  Think about how your roommate doesn't think he's dirty because he intends to clean up--even tho he never does.

I am relieved that The Kid was okay with reading it, and thrilled that I've deliberately kept this as a blog I knew I might share with family someday.  I would have preferred he didn't find it, but I can stand by my words and feelings...and I will...and do.

Life lessons for a 19 year old

So The Kid is learning some painful life lessons this month.
A year ago, he moved out, and finding stable roommates has been very challenging.
The first batch fought like The Real World; he now lives with an old friend from HS who is not too together.
Jiffy is a pothead, slob, and big baby; though he's a sweet guy, he's helpless in every way, from managing the money at his hourly job to emptying the dishwasher.
The owner of the apartment complex where the boys live just called and said he wants them out in 30 days--the owner is choosing not to  renew the lease.
When The Kid asked why, owner said:

• Improper parking of your vehicles
• Illegal roommate
• Not keeping up the house--it's a pigsty
• Late night parties

Most of those are the roomate's doing--only The Kid, of course, is responsible as well.
Now we're going to have to go through the whole get a cleaning service and try to get your deposit back thing AND help The Kid find his third place to live in 13 months (arrghhhh).