So, John and I were at an event at Wash's house last night. Most of the people there knew John, but did not know that I'd broken up with Wash. The way Wash and I hugged and chatted wouldn't have suggested we were no longer a couple, either, but I was careful to keep the hugging friendly. In some ways, I want to renounce my break-up, but I am not going to--I need the space.
I also dished it out hard to John, who became very worried and insecure once he realized that I would have more time--but might not want to devote it to him. We had harsh words, honest words--I basically said that I cared for him but that there was no way this relationship was going to lead to marriage, living together, a deeper committment--and if it did, it would be because it evolved, not because we discussed it and decided. (I was pretty clear I thought it would not go farther.)
I also said that worked for me, but that if John wanted to focus on meeting someone he could live with and wanted to break it off for that reason, I understood.
John raised the idea of his dating other people and I let me know that if he dated another as a filler when I was not around, but this was more of a friends with benefits deal, that might be okay, but that dating me while looking for that 24/7 princess would NOT be okay; if our relationship wasn't working for him long-term, he could move on.
Wow, the truthfulness was a relief!
John decided he wanted to focus on me and we had a lovely evening, and a delightful morning today. He's so sweet, caring, tender and smart--I really care for him--I just know he's not *the one.*
Meanwhile, I am heading into the afternoon with some errands to do, but with the delightful opportunity to just have chill time and free time tonight..I love that!
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