Fork in the Road

Learing how to be with myself

Watching The Fanily Stone for the second time and savoring the quiet before the week starts. Had a talk with Wash today and he and Pansy are hurt I didn't discuss things before I told Wash it was over--he's not wrong.

I agreed to talk with them, but on reflection, I wonder if it is even worth going there..I have time to think about it throughout the week.

--And I have to keep the space I am clearing for myself, no matter what it takes.

August: X marries again

My X-hsbanmd is getting married in August.

2nd engagement in a year, 1st marriage.

I wish him well and hope he gets everything he deserves.

Slut, What is a?

"I think there are a lot of women who want to have a lot of sex because they enjoy it."

--Ariel Levy, author of, “Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture,”  quoted in a New York Times article on sluttiness by  Stephanie Rosenbloom

Sw the Ex in the flesh

So I saw the ex this week, first time in 10 months.  We had to go somewhere for The Kid, so we met up with him.  The ex looks the same, a little fatter, a little older--still a nice smile.  I could see him checking me out, hard, noting the clothes, the hair, the smile.

Later, there was a moment inside the meeting we all attended when I realized that if we were still married, I'd touch his wrist for commonality and support--and he'd either pull away, or not respond.  The joy of realizing I was no longer married to him and no longer needed/wanted to do that was profound.  This is a man I really like as a person, I thought, but that I NEVER want to be that intimate with again.

Husband's birthday is next week

Did I mention huband's birthday is this coming week?
The first I will not spend with him in over 30 years.
Mercifully, I am going to be out of town--and I think The Kid will see him.

What a difference a year makes!
Last birthday, I was buying expensive gifts, trying to please enough to save the marriage(which basically stumbled through New Year's and died.)
This birthday, I plan to send husband a card, but that's kinda it...I am done with that deal..and moving on.

Court next week

Spoke with my lawyer today about next week's court data--it's a mediated settlement discussion. Since last week, when my husband suddenly decided our terms were fine, except I owed him $5,000 he forgot to mention before now, the idea we might settle at this meeting made sense, but this new demand is a monkey wrench.

"Bring a book to read,"my lawyer said."You will sit outside while we negotiate with the judge."

1st post: Fork in the Road

I have to figure out how to enable the archives links in Typepad. Meanwhile, here is a link to my first post from February 2004:

"

Why Fork in the Road

Me:  Married 26 years. 50 years old.  Pretty. Loyal wife, great in bed, passionate, with long red hair and green eyes.  Curvy, with breasts. Make beaucoup money and spend it on my honey. And my dog, cat, kid and underwear collection, in that order.

Him:  Married 26 years. 50 years old. Attractive. Tall, broad-shoulders, balding,  with softening muscles, emerging pot belly, squinty blue eyes. Stopped working full time a few years ago, now plays music and works a little.  Used to like sex, doesn't seem to want to do it anymore, except when he's really horny.

So, here's the deal.
He says he's really unhappy.  Like, miserable.
I had no clue.
We've been in counseling for 8 months and it's not working.
So we're going to break up.

And that is the fork in the god damned road."

Things have changed since then, thank God!

Me:  Married 26 years. 50 years old.  Pretty. Loyal wife, great in bed, passionate, with long red hair and green eyes.  Curvy, with breasts. Make beaucoup money and spend it on my honey. And my dog, cat, kid and underwear collection, in that order.

Him:  Married 26 years. 50 years old. Attractive. Tall, broad-shoulders, balding,  with softening muscles, emerging pot belly, squinty blue eyes. Stopped working full time a few years ago, now plays music and works a little.  Used to like sex, doesn't seem to want to do it anymore, except when he's really horny.

So, here's the deal.
He says he's really unhappy.  Like, miserable.
I had no clue.
We've been in counseling for 8 months and it's not working.
So we're going to break up.

And that is the fork in the god damned road."

Things have changed since then, thank God!

Busy

Just crazy busy at work these days, but enjoying it.

Other people's men

The extremely brave AnonoMous lashed out at me for seeing someone who is attached.  This person is right--at an earlier time I would not have gotten involved with someone already in a relationship, but my views have changed, and while I would not do anything to deliberately break up a marriage or committed relationship, I've learned that people have more flavors that married and monogamous and single.

With G, what made me decided to get involved was learning that he has had secondary relationships for the past 20 years, and that he truly is questioning what his future direction is (I can relate to that).  Since I wasn't "Breaking up" a monogamous relationship, I decided to put my scruples aside this time. And, truth is, both G and I are involved with--and open with each other--about the fact we are involved with--other people.

So while AnonoMous's outrage is justified on one level, on another level the condemnation belongs somewhere else, perhaps attached to two other people who actually believe monogramy is the way to go (something I am not sure of right now).

(Being this deliberate about having more than one partner is new for me; I was the original jealous bitch from hell when I was married. )

We're going to settle

Husband and I talked last night, again, and agreed to terms for settlement.
They're not exactly what I wanted--but they are very fair.
And if I take away my pain and anger, they are exactly right.

So, we'll be divorced by November at the latest.