Fork in the Road

Going in anew direction with this blog

So I've been pondering. For a while. This January is three years since my break up with the X  and I am well into a new life, a very good life.  This blog has been a sade harbor for all kinds of dating and relationships explorations, but Ive felt much less need in the past 6 months to write about dating and relationships.

At times, I have thought of shuttering the blog, But I haven't.

I'm kind of at the place now where I think this blog might be ready to go in another direction and here it is--

I have been more and more interested in exploring sexuality as it relates to feminism, gender, age, race and class. I am also interested in feminism and technology and how they fit together.  My thought is that I use this space to slide out of my past interests--and into these newer interests.

Of course, that means understanding the archives of these earlier incarnations stand and are owned by me. And I think I am all good with that.

So fork in the road takes a new turn.

Great moments in relationship development

It's Monday morning, 6:30  am.  I am sleeping over at Colin's  house, in the incredible, cluttered mess of his room, where I have made sure I have a path in the dark I can travel when I get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom, and the alarm goes off, and I wake and remember my dream. 

"I was dreaming," I say to Colin, who is lying there, more than half-asleep.

"What did you dream?" he murmurs.

"I dreamt it was morning and you were driving me to the airport down a busy local road, and as we came over the hill you said "I've just run out of gas,'" I respond.

"And what happened then?" he asks.

"I took a deep breath and  I said 'It will all work out,' and then we came over the hill and a gas station was right there, and I laughed because I felt so calm," I said. "And I knew it would all be fine, and it was."

"Hah!" Colin said, and then he smiled triumphantly, because of course he was waiting to see what this dream boded for the success of our relationship.  And then,  after he told me his dream (which was all about being chases by monsters) he feel right back asleep and I left to go to work, marveling  at what I learned from this dream:

• I know this man is sometimes going to make mistakes and screw things up
• I feel accepting of that
• I'm confident everything can be worked out--and in the end will come right

These are interesting feelings from a woman who used to go into a panic when the gas gauge went down below 1/4 tank--just in case.

Updates and a whine

I've just been so busy at work and with life I have not posted here.  Work is the black pit of things to do and real life is full of people and events, so....I did take some time to myself to write, but it was essays and poems, not blogging..the blogging feels really behind.

As for relationships, I am dating Colin and it is problematic.  I see he has some of the traits of R, which is a mixed blessing thing, but I also see how much I enjoy his company and how good I feel with him and that counts for a lot. In other words, I am still mixed on this relationship, what it is,and where I want it to go.  On one hand, I can see making a real commitment to Colin, eventually living together, and yet, I can also see how just walking away could be an equally valid choice--it is so unclear whether he will give me what I want or whether he is what I want...and yet, he is more compelling to me than anyone I have met--pretty damn compelling.