This time of year is always hard for me. It was January 2 years ago that it became clear the X and I were not going to make it, no matter how long we'd been together. It is also the X's birthday this month, so the start of Christmas always makes me feel sad that things couldn't have worked out.
This Christmas I have something else I feel sad about--my uncertainty about how much time I will get to spend with The Kid when he comes home from school for a few days. The Kid will be staying with the girlfriend and her family, and while we have one day together planned, I wish I could see him more--but it sounds like I will not.
Those are the moments I feel sad, like I spent so many years being married and focusing on my family and I ended up with--not enough. No husband, son away in school and me all alone with the pets they abandoned when they moved out. The sorry for myself, self-pitying view of my life. One I don't feel very often but one that creeps around the edges on these holidays, this time when once again I have to learn how to be alone.
Comments
You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.