R's very upset. He doesn't want to share me. Apparently, agreeing I could see other people did not, in his mind, include having a *relationship* or being involved with someone else.
In this case, my desire to be honest and true to myself is/was in definite collision with how fragile he is right now.
I am put in a position where I can either:
1) Break up with R because he wants a different relationship thanI do
2) Stay with R and lie about seeing Wash
3) Haven't figured this one out yet.
My friend B says my relationship with R is co-dependent, I've become a care-taker for him. I dunno, it could be true, but the guy is ill--isn't it right to want to protect him.
I ended up blowing off most of my plans yesterday to go see R and try to discuss the situation. It wasn't very productive...last night we talked and I said alot of things I kinda hate myself for--thinkgs designed to keep up from breaking up but that aren't really true (like, I will give up the other guy). I just wanted to get away from the DRAMA and the pain...but I know I am going to pay for it, probalbly sooner rather than later.
Sigh. This SUCKS.
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