Last January, husband was away on a trip when my birthday came around. We'd already had a disastrous weekend away and it seems unlikely we'd work things out--and yet, I wanted to hope.
On the night of my birthday, I took The Kid out to a nice Italian restaurant for a good meal. He'd moved out earlier in the month to live with roommates, and this was very nice of him--to make time in his school/work schedule to spend my birthday with me. We had a full dinner--appetizers, salad, wine, etc. and talked easily. Sometime into the entree, The Kid began talking about his (then current) girlfriend's parents and their battles. "Well, at least you and Dad get along pretty well," he said, preparing to move into more descriptions of some conflicts.
I still remember how I hesitated at that moment: Should I say nothing and respect husband's request to not mention our problems to the kid--Or should I give him a heads up that things were actually,well, terrible? I chose the latter, took a deep breath and said,"Uh, actually things are not good between your Dad and me. I have to ask you to not tell your father I said anything to you, and I am sorry I am asking you that, but I can't talk about it unless we agree on that rule--your Dad really did not want you to know."
Eyes wide, The Kid agreed to keep my confidence. I then gave him a quick sketch of how we'd been in trouble since the summer, been in counseling for seven months, but it didn't seem to be helping enough. I withheld my feeling we would probably split up since that seemed like too much to share at once.
The Kid was silent, listening. When I finished, he shook his head and said "Man, I can't believe it--Deborah (old girlfriend) said she thought you two weren't getting along and I told her she was crazy. Damn! What do I know!"
After dinner, I went back to the empty house and The Kid went home.
Now, a year later, I am living on my own. My birthday this year was completely different--filled with friends, boyfriends, and, of course, The Kid(and his new girlfriend). The Ex sent a card, as I hoped he would, but he's at the edge of the story, not in the center.
Once again, I feel profoundly grateful for having survived the breakup last year and coming through into a new life--one where I am both more myself and so much happier.
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