It's Yom Kippur, the most solemn holiday in Judaism, the one where Jews pray for forgiveness for sins between themselves and God, and correct wrongful actions between themselves and other people.
I was in shul tonight, beating my breast and repenting, but I haven't yet decided that this is the year I am going to forgive my ex. On one hand, I want to forgive him and (more fully) move on; on the other hand, I'm still hurting pretty badly.
In shul, I cried a bit, because I was remembering the two of us together at services last year, and my not having an inkling that my efforts to please him and to fully committ to counselling weren' paying off. Also had no idea he was pouring his little heart out to Miz P (thought of as That Bitch in Suzannah's brain) about how miserable he was with me, setting things up for a nice slide into a new romance later.
So the idea of forgiveness for husband is hard to accept...As hard to accept as the fact he was probably also sitting in shul tday, thinking about me--but he will never call.
I need to acknowledge the pain and let it go. It is over.
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