The extremely brave AnonoMous lashed out at me for seeing someone who is attached. This person is right--at an earlier time I would not have gotten involved with someone already in a relationship, but my views have changed, and while I would not do anything to deliberately break up a marriage or committed relationship, I've learned that people have more flavors that married and monogamous and single.
With G, what made me decided to get involved was learning that he has had secondary relationships for the past 20 years, and that he truly is questioning what his future direction is (I can relate to that). Since I wasn't "Breaking up" a monogamous relationship, I decided to put my scruples aside this time. And, truth is, both G and I are involved with--and open with each other--about the fact we are involved with--other people.
So while AnonoMous's outrage is justified on one level, on another level the condemnation belongs somewhere else, perhaps attached to two other people who actually believe monogramy is the way to go (something I am not sure of right now).
(Being this deliberate about having more than one partner is new for me; I was the original jealous bitch from hell when I was married. )
If you're being honest with each other about seeing other people, that's good. But the truth is, you both need to be honest with the others in your life about seeing other people too. If he's not telling his wife, he's leaving her out of the picture, affecting her life without letting her know she has choices too. And she may not want to be with someone who can't remain faithful, however he is not allowing her that choice by keeping it from her. I would hope that you would both show the people in your lives the honesty you are showing each other.
Posted by: scarlett | October 15, 2005 at 07:01 AM
If you're being honest with each other about seeing other people, that's good. But the truth is, you both need to be honest with the others in your life about seeing other people too. If he's not telling his wife, he's leaving her out of the picture, affecting her life without letting her know she has choices too. And she may not want to be with someone who can't remain faithful, however he is not allowing her that choice by keeping it from her. I would hope that you would both show the people in your lives the honesty you are showing each other.
Posted by: scarlett | October 15, 2005 at 07:04 AM
If you're being honest with each other about seeing other people, that's good. But the truth is, you both need to be honest with the others in your life about seeing other people too. If he's not telling his wife, he's leaving her out of the picture, affecting her life without letting her know she has choices too. And she may not want to be with someone who can't remain faithful, however he is not allowing her that choice by keeping it from her. I would hope that you would both show the people in your lives the honesty you are showing each other.
Posted by: scarlett | October 15, 2005 at 07:05 AM
If you're being honest with each other about seeing other people, that's good. But the truth is, you both need to be honest with the others in your life about seeing other people too. If he's not telling his wife, he's leaving her out of the picture, affecting her life without letting her know she has choices too. And she may not want to be with someone who can't remain faithful, however he is not allowing her that choice by keeping it from her. I would hope that you would both show the people in your lives the honesty you are showing each other.
Posted by: scarlett | October 15, 2005 at 07:06 AM
scarlett--good points.
Posted by: suzannah | October 16, 2005 at 09:15 PM
We sometimes forget about being honest to our partners when something massive is on the line - like your personal happiness. Having another partner is proof that you seek something more than what you and your other partner are sharing. If honesty became more important than finding real happiness (through your relationships), then there wouldn't be happy people. These "happy" people took great chances to find happiness in the form of compatible partners.
Posted by: geri | October 18, 2005 at 09:47 PM