More on husband's talk with me tonight:
J wondered if I thought that he'd started being unfaithful at the time he said he didn't want to sleep with me anymore...but that wasn't the case, there was nothing else.
J mused on whether I believed he'd cheated on me and lied earlier in the relationship, but he wanted me to be aware that even though I traveled so much and he was alone, and we were unhappy (his words), he'd never been unfaithful.
(This struck me, of course, as the logic of a selfish man who wants to be applauded for keeping an agreement he made--bang the drum and play the pipes, baby--or just shut the f&^k up.)
So, we talked for about an hour and I cried a little at the end, but I don't really believe his innocence, though he steadfastly maintained it.
(The idea that he would be writing emails to his precious one and dearest and celebrating an anniversary when there was no sex and a just a couple dates defies logic, doesn't it? That would mean husband, at 50, fell in love with the first woman he went out with after he decided to part from his wife..hmmnn...that doesn't sound right.)
Upshot:
When I told him I'd taken our savings and put them into a CD where he couldn't touch them, he didn't protest.
When I said I was upset because he'd lied to me when I'd trusted him, he
said he understood--
But what he really wants is peace, to get through all this and move on, and he will exhibit his remorse in his charming, sincere, authentic way--the way that took me in for so many years.
What makes J a master liar is that he believes his lies himself.
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