Update on R (and me)

So R seems to be getting better, post treatments.  When I came over today, he was fully dressed (and asleep in the chair).  He looked stronger and he's cut back on many of the meds.  But even as he improves, I wonder where all this is going.  For the past 3 and 1/3 months--or more--he's been ill and much of our relationship has been on hold.  I have been a caring and loving friend, but it's been hard-and unrealistic--to imagine that he's able to give to me, or that this isn't a holding pattern.  As I see R improving, I wish for what I don't have--a more active, sharing relationship with him--one where we can talk more openly, that's more physically expressive, where he's able to give more to me.  I'm impatient for that connection and see myself moving away from him and towards Wash as someone who gives me much of that.

Comments

[Meghan McCormick]

I wish I had your strength. I have been dating someone with cancer and other medical issues for over 3 years and want to get out. I am only 29 and feel like I am missing so much in life (like getting married, having children). I feel guilty every time I try to leave or talk to him about it. I tell him that I very unhappy and he tells me to leave. I get my stuff together (we have been dating for 8 years in total so we live together) and try to leave, he tells me that he wants me to stay and how much he depends on me for doctor's appointments, his medication, and his stays in the hospital. I don't know how to walk away, but I wish I could and live my life. Any thoughts or ideas, please help. Thanks.

[Lori]

Meghan,
I am no Suzannah... but I would tell your boyfriend that you would still be there for SOME appointments, and care, but that you need to move on with your life. Find someone that you love, but will also be understanding with regards to the man who is ill.
It doesn't appear that you are in love with him or that he has what you need at this time. It also seems that he isn't needing romance, but a caregiver.
Perhaps this compromise will suit both of you??